Admittedly, I too turned in Saturday night as Iyanla Vanzant attempted to fix the life of former Olympian and America’s sweetheart, Debi Thomas. What a train wreck? My Soror and our sister is suffering from some serious mental health issues and she doesn’t even know it. Engaged to an alcoholic who admits to occasionally abusing her, Debi Thomas is raising her fiance’s two young children after losing custody of her own son a few years. Somehow, Debi has managed to go from a smart successful doctor who appeared to have it all to a wandering soul in need of direction, lacking confidence, self-esteem and a proper support system. Broke and broken, without a job and living in squalor conditions, Debi’s life has spiraled out of control.

Every time I watch Iyanla Vanzant’s popular show about fixing one’s life, I promise myself to never watch it again yet I couldn’t resist the temptation to watch her recent profile of two ministers living undercover lives. The vagrant story of deception, homosexuality, secrets, and faith read like an E. Lynn Harris novel. Like other viewers, I went thru every emotion in the handbook from disgust to embarrassment that I even tuned in. One season after another, the black church is overly exposed and stigmatized in episode after episode. The black family is humiliated and degraded week after week. While feeling sad for the subjects on the show, I also turn off the tv feeling guilty for even tuning in to watch everyday people with extraordinary circumstances release all their vulnerabilities and failures to millions of viewers.

Based on my social media feed, I know I’m not the only one in my peer group and immediate circle who tunes in to watch. I’m not knocking Iyanla’s game, she has been a hustler since her very first appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show. But I am questioning her tactics and even more importantly, I question our response. When did the pain, humiliation and setbacks of others become Saturday night entertainment? That’s absurd to me. Not only do we watch but we do nothing in response- not for the people on the show or even in our own lives. All of us know people in our circles of influence whose lives mirror those of people profiled on Iyanla’s show and just like the family members and friends on the show, we just watch people destroy their lives daily and do nothing to stop them. We throw up our hands, reject, retaliate and rebuke instead of embracing, empowering, caring and offering a hand of support.

I don’t fully embrace everything in the show but I’m no different than you. I tune in because I’m attracted to Iyanla’s no nonsense approach. Girlfriend doesn’t take any prisoners. She hits hard and deep, not sugar coating anything. She directs the subject to make hard and fast decisions. I tune in because the show causes me to think about the issues and challenges impacting our communities, inspiring me to write blog posts like this one. I tune in because the show challenges me to fix my own life- stop wasting my time on reality TV shows and using it more wisely to positively impact my life and those around me. I sincerely hope the show is not lost on idle gossip, chit chatter and hashtags. Instead, I hope that in some way, every person who watches the story of Debi Thomas (or any other subject) is inspired to do a personal self-check of mental health and stability, perception and reality, right and wrong.

Whether we want to admit it or not, there is an Iyanla profile in all of us. We may not relate to Debi Thomas but there is some aspect of someone profiled on the show we can relate to- – big or tiny. Our personal story may not be as severe and our outlook may be brighter but our pain is just as real. We just need to take the time to assess and address our circumstances. We need to fix our own lives!